Is the uncertainty getting to you? Do you feel like you just don’t know anymore? You maybe you know what you don’t want, but have no idea where to next?
What is happening? You are leaving familiar territory and are beginning to explore new terrain. You may not be aware of it yet, but you are continuing to develop and grow, reaching beyond your comfort zone. One of the most common feelings when stretching beyond your comfort zone is that of feeling lost. This feeling stems from the fact that while your old ideas, patterns and certainties simply don’t feel right anymore, you still haven’t found your new frame through which to look at the world.
The most important thing is: hang in there, keep going, trust that things will work out.
It might not feel like it at the moment, but there are things you can do to help you find your new certainty. Every little step, if taken consciously, will help you gain new clarity and certainty.
What you can do:
1) STOP! Don’t keep yourself busy with things that don’t help you find your new certainty. Find some time by yourself, a comfortable chair, a spot in the park or by the water. Give yourself time to reflect on your new situation (i.e. being with your current work / looking for something new). You are now creating the next phase of your life.
2) LOOK BACK! Look back on your life to date. Look at your career to date. Look at your qualifications, the work you have done so far, what interests you have pursued so far. At this point, you might want to start writing things down. It helps remembering things and to keep an overview. Dig beneath the surface. Don’t just write down that you worked as sales manager, officer for XY for Z months. Be more specific. Think about what were the three highlights for you in that job? What was your greatest success? What was the time when you felt strongest in that job? When did you absolutely love what you did? If you are finding it difficult to put down highlights and positive things, just start by writing down the things you experienced, which you do not want to have any more of. It might be necessary to get them out of your system first. After you’ve done that, you will begin to find some things which were ok, which you actually wouldn’t mind doing more of. For example, some people in the last job had a really bad time with the team they were in. Initially they may say that the never want to work in that job again. But when digging deeper, they find that actually, the work itself was good and that they could see themselves enjoying it a lot if it was in a different, better team.
3) REFLECT AND CHOOSE! Reflect on what you have learnt in the past. Maybe starting a particular career path was done for motives which were right at the time, but now, something else might be more appropriate. Look at who you are at the present moment. Look at your core values. What is important to you in your life? What is your highest goal? Use the notes you prepared when you looked back on your career and life to date. What are things you would like more of? What are things you would like less of? What is a good balance?You probably notice that now, in choosing where to put your emphasis, you are actually in the process of creating your new life! YOU are choosing what YOU want the next stage of YOUR life to look like.
4) ENJOY CREATING! Enjoy this time of creation, of putting together your new, better life. Visualise it. Maybe collect images of what your new life could look like. Write down your insights. Be as specific, elaborate, colourful as you want. What you are actually doing, is creating your own roadmap! You will find that when you look back on it at a later stage, you can see your achievement. Enjoy. Deeply.You can prepare your roadmap to cover as wide an area as you like: whether you focus on your career, or maybe go wider and include hobbies, friendships, relationships, or even spiritual growth, and your highest goals. When looking at your career, you might want to include things like: what sort of work you want to do, in what sort of environment, who with, how far from your home, what sort of pay and benefits, how many hours, what sort of organisation (small/big, new/established), and with what sort of values.
5) BE PATIENT WITH YOURSELF! Be prepared for things taking a little longer than they “should” or than you would like them to. Major changes, for example in career, may take years to make. They require new skills to be learnt to a level where you can provide a service to others. They may require a letting go of financial security for some time, until the new career has taken hold. They require adjustments in your life. Smaller changes may be achievable this year or this month or, very small changes, tomorrow. See if there are any small changes, which you can do tomorrow, which will take you closer to your goal. Some of the most profound life changes come about through a very, very small change which becomes a habit.
Creating your roadmap and filling it in with greater detail can be an ongoing project, depending on how much change you want in your life. You may not have everything clear right away. But, as you go along, you will be able to fill in more and more detail of your roadmap. And as you do, you will feel stronger and stronger.
Just as there is no use crying over spilt milk, there is no point in harping on about mistakes or “wrong” choices you feel you have made in the past. What you may find is that at some point, even “wrong” choices have a point and help you learn important lessons. It often depends on your frame of reference.
Maybe wondering about the next step or not knowing what to do anymore is actually a good position to be in. You are beginning to explore new territory and, in the process, creating the next phase of your life. The important thing is to acknowledge and remember the choices you made, understand the lessons you draw from them and don’t retreat behind your highest understanding. Trust your inner guide.
[2014 update to the original post written in 2006]:
Since joining Lighthouse, I have started to use the NEWS framework for navigating change. It was developed out of 25 years’ coaching experience and I find provides a condensed, refined process for creating and navigating the next phase in your career or life. Have a look at the About page for more information.
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